The Little Black Wish List - The Actor Part I

We all have a Little Black Wish List which we want to tell Santa about. But 98% of us know Santa doesn’t exist and the other 2% has him on the list.

So this is the list that holds the markings of your dirty mind and the desires of your twisted ego.

The clever people know better than to have this list inked. The stupid folk are still looking for the pen that can write on black paper. And the generous one (me) shares it.

Because I know - We all have a Little Black Wish List. But whether the items on the list get transferred to the Little Black Book…? Is the question.

Dream Shags, Crushable Egos and the Seasons’ Absolute-Must-Haves:
(Not in order of shaggability because my racing mind is faster than my full, pouty lips and my deft fingers.)

0) An Athlete
1) A Big.Black.Man
2) A Model – (make it underwear model)
3) A Surgeon (or better, a gynaecologist)
4) An Actor
5) A Rock Star
6) The Office IT Geek
7) A Mafia
8) A Male Stripper or A Personal Trainer (same difference)
9) That badass biker dude that always smokes outside your place
10) A (few) Total Stranger(s)
(watch this space – once conquered, subjects will be replaced. Like old people who buy 4D. it gives hope. And hope, keeps you alive. )

today’s story, boys and girls, is about how number 4 made it to the Black Book.

It was finally, the summer of ’06… the country had just seen weeks of rain - Where road juice permeated our cork wedge heels, sex drive was at a low and hot chocolate, roti john and pirated dvds were pasar-malam’s top sellers. The wet spell had just been broken by a piercing ray of sunlight which brought promises of sun, sex, sea and allowed glimpses of bronzed bodies. The hot and wet mix in the air and the frustration of staying-in, fused with the warmth bubbling inside would have killed any self-respecting party animal. Anjali called: “Babe. Let’s get out. Haven’t seen you in too long. Plus… Ineedtogetlaid.” I asked another friend along. Let’s call her Ms.Behaving. and it was GAME ON.

In the tightest white boob tube, nicely stretched over the naughty bits and a flirty floral excuse of a skirt, I was ready to add heat to the eclectic blend.

It was mating season again.

The club was pumping. And it was only a Wednesday night. I was on WingWomanWatch so I scanned the crowd for a potential guy for Anjali. But minutes into my job, I realized she didn’t need me around. She was sex-on-heels that night. Beating guys off with a stick; teasing them mercilessly.

Like a proud mum whose daughter made it to the song and dance item, I nodded in her direction - Only to see a guy tip his bourbon coke glass towards me, returning the nod. I smiled at the mix-up. And he smiled back. And I laughed at the royal mix-up. And he laughed back. I signaled and mouthed a “no” and pointed to Anjali and he gave me a yeah yeah, don’t lie, look. And then we both stared at each other. Confidently he gave me a very appreciative but very torturing once-over. Clearly, he had been looking for a while now. I swear… I blushed. I looked away and did what a decent cock-teaser would do. I started giving the best performance ever. I was dancing for him and he knew it. Whenever someone walked past and stood in his vision, he cocked his head to one side and continued looking. The look was lingering but not psycho. The eye-contact was amazing. I was happy.

Then I made the well-timed toilet break, which meant I had to walk by him. he seized the opportunity. (So not a complete himbo.) He grabbed me real hard by the arm and pulled me close and said

Himbo: “let me have your number” (okay, he’s a himbo.)
Me: “aren’t you gonna ask my name first?”
Himbo: “oh, ok, what’s your name?” (so clueless! what a Himbo!!!)
Me: “xx”
Himbo: “I’m xx”
Me: “I know that, Mr. TV star”
Himbo: *he laughed and looked mildly embarrassed* it’s just a part-time job.
Me: “And your full-time job’s terrorizing girls on a wednesday night?”
Himbo: “er, no. *innocently* I’m in the fashion line” (Oh.My.Gawd. he’s a HIMBO fo sho)
Me: “no, I mean, is this what you normally do? Come here and give ransom girls on the dance floor lusty lingering looks?”
Himbo: “er…I come here with my friends. It’s her birthday. And another fren flying to Tokyo next week. so celebrating farewell.” (note: grammar errors are actor’s own)
Me: “right”

I wasn’t going to let the lack of brains and conversation skills get in the way of our hips because it was already pointing towards each other. He had a very raw sex appeal about him, which made ignoring the bad conversation very easy. Plus, he’s an actor! I took a quick mental check at my wish list and decided to soldier on.

Himbo: “so can give me your number?”
Me: *stooping to his colloquial standards* “caaaan. But you must promise to call, otherwise I’ll set mediacorp on fire.”
Himbo: “no need to be so serious la"
Me: “I’m.just.kidding” (roll eyeballs)
Himbo: shoves his phone to me and as I key in my number… “I give you mine too”
Me: I saved his number under “Random Actor” and showed it to him. he wasn’t too mad. I suspect he doesn’t know the meaning of “random”


Funny enough, despite the bad conversation, the magic didn’t dissipate like I always imagined it to. I concluded he was just better with his mouth shut. And it turned out to be a series of truths. He called the next day.

Actor: hi. It’s me
Me: hi you.
Actor: remember me?
Me: yes. Of course. It says you’re the random actor from last night?
Actor: haha.
*silence*
Me: So, what’s up?
Actor: Nothing.
Me: okay.
*silence*
Actor: Just call to talk. Had lunch?
Me: yes. And you?
Actor: yep. I had takeaway
Me: o…kay… look, I got to go…
Actor: so fast put down?
Me: ya. Unless you got something you want to discuss?
Actor: no la. Er… want to go velvet this Friday?
Me: hmm… sounds good! I’m out with my girlfriends, maybe I can ask them to velvet
Actor: up to you. I can bring them in. cos I am a member.
Me: okay, show-off.
Actor: huh?
Me: nothing.

Waste of brain cells huh? Haiyoh! Exasperating.

Friday came…

I dragged Ms. Behaving and Bix along. After 10 kiddy sms-es, we all met at the front door. He was looking smoking hot. Ruffled hair, tight white tee, black washed jeans, high-cut boots, a black rocker cuff and a great jawline. Very flamboyant dresser. I like. He was drawing a lot of attention. But he was pretty damn humble about it. And he was VERY attentive. Gave me his 100% attention and even told me he loved what I was wearing. Highly commendable. The girls were loving the spill-over attention passers-by were lavishing on us. It looked to be a damn gooood night.

And it was...

(to be continued)